'the bone of the fish silent these empty glasses silent, silent too" Funny poem. It was written in March,2005, a time when I was not drinking and was starting a friendship with my special woman friend. I gess I was looking back...I was a bar room drinker big time until the late 1980's when I just quit with the help of my therapist. Ambivalence. I felt it for my professor love Walter and "Ruby" felt it for me.I was just frightened by both, I had been with a nymphomaniac once before and I had left town in a hurry. But I had feelings for "Ruby" it seems so awful even to give her a phony name. She was the final meltdown. I got myself out of her apartment and I raged thru the streets. More on that later. Love was a bitch, finding love was even bitchier.

I tried going back in time, visiting places and walking backwards; the hospital elevator was a time machine with bright glaring buttons that was a time machine taking me back to where I had been loved. Before the aide could stop me, I pushed for Korea and the prostitute who had unconditionally loved me. I got a Asian doctor and I not very nicely demanded that he get me back to "Peggy"my Korean whore. The time machine had left me in a locked mental ward. Sometimes I was euphoric, but I usually raged, walking and walking the locked ward until large doses of Thorazine finally floored me.